Online Safety Topics: talking to your kids about pornography and sextortion.
ONLINE SAFETY TOPICS
As access to the Internet grows, so does the risk of exposure to pornography and the possibility of being exploited through sextortion.
Through the advancement of technology and the internet, kids today have more access to information than ever before. With a smartphone in hand, they can learn just about anything at any time, which is truly incredible. On the other hand, it can also mean they are exposed to content that can be harmful, even if it happens unintentionally.
To help further awareness of the gravity of this issue, we have to understand both the dangers of sextortion and of pornography.
Pornography affects the brain.
There are physiological effects of viewing pornography, resembling that of drug addiction, as the brain is rewired to reward a particular behavior, even if it's harmful.
Viewing pornography can affect us mentally, emotionally, and relationally. It’s not the “victimless” crime we may be led to believe. There are physiological effects, resembling that of drug addiction, as the brain is rewired to reward a particular behavior, even if it's harmful. And like with any addiction, tolerance leads to increased consumption which can lead to more desperate, erratic behavior to maintain the “high.” Furthermore, relationships are deeply affected as exposure to the “fantasies” depicted in porn can distort an individual’s perception of reality or affect their ability to engage in healthy relationships. This in-depth resource explains the ripple effects that viewing pornography has on individuals and on our culture as a whole
We also need to be aware of the reality of sextortion, and how our culture of social media-based relationships increases the risk of exploitation.
Sextortion defined
Sextortion is defined as “the threat to expose sexual images in order to make a person do something. These threats come from both strangers met online and once intimate romantic partners attempting to harass, embarrass, and control victims (Thorn).”
We all know that social media revolves more and more around the sharing of pictures and videos, increasing the potential for exploitation. When you take into consideration how these social platforms and influencers can magnify the pressures and vulnerabilities kids are experiencing daily, it helps provide greater insight into the prevalence of sextortion. For example, some kids may associate their significance with how many followers they have and therefore share explicit pictures or videos to boost their numbers. Or a youth may feel pressured to send a picture to their boyfriend or girlfriend out of fear of being rejected or losing that relationship. Kids may even send pictures as a reaction to feeling pressured by someone or something, such as the need to be liked. And they will do this without thinking through the risks or consequences. In their minds, it can seem harmless, or even normal, because their friends have posted or exchanged pictures. “Just one picture” seems harmless, especially if the recipient promised not to share it, but as we know, once you hit “send,” all control is forfeited. All it takes is one picture.
How to talk to your kids about pornography and sextortion.
So, how can we keep our kids safe? One of the best things you can do is remind them that their true value has nothing to do with their bodies. In today’s culture, we are all bombarded with messages praising sex appeal and the temptation to associate it with our worth. Talk to your kids about this messaging and how they are internalizing it. Ask your kids what it’s like to be in their shoes, and how they may be feeling pressure to be someone other than who they are, or to do something they may not want to. As we’ve mentioned before, affirm them as much as you can of their inherent value. Applaud and reinforce attributes of character and integrity you see in them. Create a safe, non-judgmental space to talk about sending or receiving pictures. In a caring, concerned way, remind them that once they push “send” they have no control over where that picture goes, no matter what’s been promised. And let them know you are there for them if they are ever being targeted or threatened.
Before you begin the conversation…
- What is your goal in having this conversation?
- What do you feel about talking to your child about this?
- If you suspect your child has already viewed pornography, what is your posture toward them?
It’s important to ask yourself these questions, as your emotions will be a driving factor in the course of this conversation. Be mindful of your tone as you want to create a safe place for your child to respond openly and honestly. It can be awkward for them, too. Here’s a more in-depth guide on how to talk to your kids about porn.
Keep in mind that you may not be able to talk about everything all at once. Be prepared to have multiple conversations, allowing time for you and your child to process as you both need. Remember, what’s more important than having all the answers or knowing what to say is how you make your child feel during the conversation. That's why doing your best to make them feel safe, heard, and loved is essential. They need to know they can come talk to you about anything, even the awkward difficult stuff, and know you won’t judge them or love them less.
For more information or how to get help if you or someone you know is a victim of sextortion, visit stopsextortion.com.